Philly comics share their favorite dad jokes that’ll make dad crack a smile
From the Phillies to Springsteen, and the Eagles. Everything is fodder for laughs for Philly fathers.
Father’s Day can mean gifts, outdoor grilling, or perhaps a fancy dinner.
For a handful of Philly comedians, it’s also a day to have a laugh at dad’s expense and celebrate the corny self-deprecation of dad jokes. Yes, they sometimes veer too close to being offensive, but only in a joyful sort of way.
To commemorate the annual holiday, here’s a list of the best (or worst, depending on who’s judging) dad jokes from some of the city’s best stand-ups.
Chris Aileo
The Phillies play on Father’s Day, which means every son should brush up on niche 1980s Phillies trivia. If any white people aren’t sure what to talk about with their Dad this Father’s Day, just ask, “How about those greens at Oakmont?” and that should get him going for about an hour.
What’s great about having technologically challenged parents is that I can just send my dad a full Bruce Springsteen concert I found on YouTube, and he thinks I archived it personally for him.
Having parents from Philly is great because they are so easy to satisfy. Last Father’s Day, I got my dad an Eagles T-shirt, and he said, “I needed this.”
(Aileo performs at the Atlantic City Comedy Club on Sunday.)
Kristin Finger
What do reptiles wear on their feet? SNAKERS!
Guess where I store all my dad jokes? In a highly protected dada-base.
When does a joke become a Dad Joke? When it becomes apparent.
I saw a movie and its sequel about Father’s Day that were so bad...How bad were they? I can’t decide which was worse, it’s a TIE!
Someone asked me once how much taller I am compared to my dad, I said 6 feet or so.
(Finger performs at the Queer Show at CSz Philadelphia on June 20, and at ComedySportz at CSz Philadelphia on July 5).
David James
My nickname for the local UPS driver is “Dad” because I wait hours in anticipation for a man I know deep down isn’t going to show up.
Every Father’s Day, I rob a different sperm bank. They are always shocked when they realize I’m only there for the endless boxes of tissues.
When I was 5 years old, my father told me a man is supposed to provide and protect, then he gave me a box of condoms.
My father always said, “Any man can be a father, but it takes someone special to be a dad, and I’m not interested in either one of these.”
(James’ special, “David James One Camera,” is available on YouTube)
Jay Yoder
Why are teachers the best parents? Because they’re already trained to love kids who aren’t listening.
(Yoder performs on Teachers Be Like… at Punchline Philly on June 19.)
Manny Brown
One time, a friend saw me and my dad together for the first time and said, “Yo, you look just like your dad — it’s insane.” And I was like … I mean, is it? I’m pretty sure that’s just science. It would be insane if I looked exactly like Celine Dion. Like, imagine that sentence: “This Black boy looks just like Celine Dion.” What could that possibly mean? Anyway, I think I’m supposed to look like my dad.
(Brown is teaching a stand-up 101 comedy class starting June 22 at Next in Line Comedy Club.)
Chip Chantry
What’s so great about Switzerland? I don’t know, but their flag’s a big plus.
(Chantry’s comedy special “Move Closer” is available on YouTube)
Tyler Wolf
My dad forgot my birthday this year. Which really hurt because you know who remembered? Toyota of Ardmore.
I look like my dad has gotten me every job I’ve ever had ... but that’s not true! Because my mom’s family is so much better connected.
(Wolf will return for his regular spots at Punch Line Comedy Club, Don’t Tell Comedy, and Helium Comedy Club from June 27-28)
Betty J. Smithsonian
I got Cats peeing on my porch. The solution is to get the urine of a predator of the cat, and then spread that on the porch. I didn’t even know what a cat predator was, and I looked it up, and it is an OWL! NOW, I HAVE TO FIND OWL PISS? The only thing I can possibly think, I have to find an owl, get it black out drunk, until it pisses its little owl pants. I guess I’m looking for ... an OWL-CAHOLIC.
(Smithsonian will host the Mullica Hill Pride Fest at the Safe Haven at Keneva Farm on June 21, and perform at Tattooed Mom on June 23)