Driver allegedly rage poops on car, putting a stain on Delco

A motorist allegedly involved in a roadway dispute in Delaware County Wednesday could not let it mellow and instead rear-ended the other driver — not with her car but with her bare buttocks — before dumping her frustrations onto the hood of the other vehicle.

Listen, I’ve written about Delco for 18 years and even I can’t even believe I just wrote that sentence. But there I was, Wednesday night, scrolling Facebook like the elder millennial I am when video of the above alleged incident popped up in my feed as it quickly went viral.

At first, I didn’t think the footage — which was taken from the vantage point of someone in a third car watching it all go down — was real. Who would do such a thing in broad daylight with cameras everywhere these days? How does someone have a load like that at the ready? And why did the offending motorist look so happy getting back into her car?

I couldn’t wipe the incident out of my head Thursday and so I called Prospect Park Police Chief David Madonna to see if he was privy to the situation, since multiple people posted it happened within his jurisdiction.

Madonna confirmed the incident occurred around 4 p.m. Wednesday at the intersection of 4th and Madison Avenues in a residential area of the borough. He said both the assailant and victim are Delco residents and the incident happened as a result of road rage.

“Long story short, someone wasn’t moving fast enough so the other person cut them off and words were exchanged and here we are,” he said.

I get having a potty mouth when driving, I’m guilty of it myself, but having a potty on someone else’s car is an entirely different animal. If that’s what urineto behind closed doors, fine, but it’s a really crappy way to act in public.

At this point, it’s unclear if the alleged doo-dooer will feces charges. Madonna said his department is conducting a thorough investigation, which remains ongoing.

Delco is famous for getting weird, that’s why it’s my favorite Philly suburb. It has Easter flower sales outside the local gentleman’s club, a polling station at a funeral home, and a bar called Tipsy McStagger’s.

But this type of strange has no place in Delco, or anywhere else for that matter. It doesn’t just put a stain on the violated car, it puts a stain on the county, which is already going through tough times with the impending closure of Crozer-Chester Medical Center this week and Taylor Hospital last week.

Am I glad that this motorist in her alleged rage pulled a biological move instead of loaded gun? Sure, but that’s a very low and depressing bar. What should definitely be pulled, if this proves out, is her driver’s license. I don’t want anyone who makes such rash and irrational decisions anywhere near me on the road.

If you’re that angry — or have to use the bathroom that bad — stay home. People should not be clogging up our roads, or our legal system, with this kind of mess.